For the sake of getting it out of the way, I will sum up my impression of the conventions in one sardonic paragraph:
If
a high school pep rally and an infomercial had a baby, than it would
probably look like the conventions. Beyond that, file any pundit or
blogger that classified either convention as a solid "success" or
"failure" under "T", for "transparent and partisan quack." Finally, its clear that
we must hunt down all voters who were naive and gullible enough to be
swayed by either of the conventions. When found, we should pay those
feeble minded $1000 dollars to never vote again. Call me extreme, but I
consider those voters to be the greatest threat to our great Republic.
Remarkably, that's all I have to say about the conventions.
You see, whenever I analyze TV-age politics, I do this freakish thing called "thinking". Its
a habit that worries me, as some experts believe that thinking leads to
acne and growing hair on your hands. However, I nevertheless feel
compelled to show the world the results of my dirty habit.
First
off, I don't trust anything that a politician puts into a sound-bite. I
don't care if they are Democrats, Republicans, or from our garden
variety pack of third parties. I find all political "messages" and
"themes" to be as inspiring and honest as the sales pitch of a door-to-door-$2000 -vacuum cleaner-salesman. Bush claims that he'll win the war on terror. Kerry claims he'll insure
every American. Yet, until one of them appoints Merlin the magic wizard
as their chief of staff, I'll go ahead and consider their promises to
be as solid as wind.