How to Get One Million Hits in One year

My dear readers, its time for me to make a confession. Blogging is indeed a self-empowering practice which boosts my self esteem;but I often have no idea what to write about. Thankfully, I occassionaly have readers who ask questions which I can not only answer, but maybe even respond to with a reasonably entertaining blogpost.  Russ from Media Experiment asks one of those questions:

I would love to know how you reached your million hits? My current project is to acheive just that without spending a penny on advertising or marketing! Any tips?

My dear Russ, insofar as tips on building a high traffic websites are concerned, I am rich beyond the dreams of avarice. I offer no secrets, 12 step programs, or 5 year plans. All I have is down-to-earth advice that I think can help you.

Tip One: Come to Accept that No One Actually Cares About You, Much Less Your Website

Some months ago, I was giving a talk at the Texas Penguine Day on building online communities. I'd always assumed that this point was obvious, but when I said it, the audience looked at me as though an alien baby had popped out of my rib cage. The truth often hurts... However, shake it off. When you come to accept this truth, you are empowered to make a full frontal attack on your challenge. When you accept that no one cares, you are suddenly forced to tackle the problem with questions phrased from the proper angle:  What am I realistically capable of offering that people want, but aren't already getting?

The sad truth is that I think 98 percent [1] of folks who want an audience can't answer this question. And that is why they will fail. Its tempting to breeze over this question with answers like, "Well, I'm me, and I have a great personality." However, these hypothetical folks would be well advised to refer back to the big header above, which clearly reads: "no one cares about you". Embrace this point, for it points directly to Victoryville.

Bottom Line: If you want to build a large readership, your content must help your readers solve their own problems[1]. On the web, your average non-pornography seeking joe (that's 60 percent of surfers) will probably never be interested in what you offer. That said, by directing your content to a special 0.5% of websurfers who share your interests, you could theoretically break 1,000,000 in a matter of months. Look inward, find your strong point, which is most likely special knowledge, and figure out how you can use that knowledge to help your readers. I speak from experience when I say that the more selflessly you help your readers, the more you will end up helping yourself.

If you sell services, resist the temptation to plug yourself. In today's ad-saturated world, its safe to assume that everyone has a 6th sense for when they are being marketed to. If they sense you are trying to take advantage of them (a.k.a.  "sell" your services to them... yes, many people actually don't like that...), you will come off as insincere. And no body likes insincere types. And if no body likes, or trusts you, you aren't going to hit 1,000,000. They call me Captain Obvious, FYI.

Tip Two: Never Allow a Joke to Remain Uncracked

Never allow your need to sound important, and expert-like get in the way of a good joke. For me at least (and I suspect I'm not alone), the best way to turn me into a regular reader out of me is to make me laugh. Even just once.

Indeed, when you look at a random sliver of successful bloggers (who aren't conservative hacks), you'll notice that one of their common shared characteristics is promiscuous joke cracking.

In your area of expertise, there may indeed be a multitude of very important people whose knowledge may be 10 times that of your own. However, seeing as how readers don't care about them or their website, you can always beat them by cracking more jokes than they do. Yes, its that simple.

Now some serious Stanleys (who most likely have a heavily academic background) might balk at this assertion. They will declare, "At my website, the accuracy, and in informativeness of the content is king. My readers are SERIOUS, and they want my SERIOUS viewpoint."These characters obviously take themselves, and their field too seriously, and that is why they will lose. Never let "goal" of your content interfere with making an entertaining delivery.  In my personal case, my goal is to teach and inform people about building successful websites with drupal. Plain and simple, this is a strong subject which needs a sweet chaser.If you can give me a good reason not to crack jokes in the process, I'm all ears.

Note that the question of "how to be funny" is far beyond the scope of this blogpost.

To Be Continued...

This seems to be a question that deserves more than one blogpost, so I bid ya'll goodnight; hopefully, I'll be able to follow up tomorrow night. I will now delight in the delusion that ya'll are hooked.

Notes

1.      You can also be an entertaining writer, but how to achieve that goal is a subject beyond the scope this casually written blogpost. I suggest you read a bit of Tom Robbins if your interested in taking this route. Or, if you don't frequent bookstores, visit James Wolcott, and bask in his prose's freshness.

2. This figure was indeed freshly pulled from my rear end. Still, I think it's a pretty vast majority that hovers in the high 90's.